I should continue.

I should continue to blog now that I no longer have to. I should continue to tell myself " this too shall pass". I should continue trying at life who knows it just might get better. It does get better right? well I like to think it does. I will continue.

My brain is hanging upside down.

Life sucks right now. It's my fault I can only blame myself. I'm the one who is failing out of school because I don't attend class or do the assignments. I'm at a school where I just don't feel comfortable or needed. So I don't go. It's my life that is on the line. I was a great student until I got to college I made honor roll I was in the top 5% of my graduating class on high school. Then in Novemember of my Freshman year of college I gave up. I don't talk about it just typing this makes my heart ache and tears roll down my face. That novemember I lost everything: hope, faith, strive, determination I lost everthing a person needs to survive emotionally. I'm slowly gaining those valuable parts back with help.

Essay Topics.

Have you ever been somewhere that you couldn't ever forget, some place you didn't want to forget. A place you'd write about so in case your mind let you down you'd have that memory on paper. well I have a few places I'd enjoy writing about. My trip to Seattle/Vancouver, or My summers at Camp Sabra. One memory I'd like to have in writing is my layover at the O'hare international airport ( this is a GREAT! story). I really liked my trips to Washington D.C. and Las vegas. Maybe the the summers I swam in Garden City's 2.5 millon gallon swimming pool. Just a few places I'd like to remember.

Mark 9:35

"If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." As I said before I'm ready to do something with My life and that means I had to seperate my dreams for me from the dreams my mother had for me. I always thought I wanted to go into medicine and be this world renowned surgeon but, I've always had this nagging this feeling of being pulled in another direction. I finally see where I'm being pulled. I beileve in G-d and I do beileve he calls upon you to fuflill certain positions in this world. G-d is and has been calling me to be a Missonary to where I don't know yet. Now that I have payed attention to those feelings of uncomfort and have listened I'm starting to feel different. Different how? I'm not sure I just feel lighter and inspired. When I told my mother I was applying to Central Bible College for the fall semester and told her I would be majoring in Global Missions her response was " Sounds to me like your going to starve." then she suggested that I become an accountant. The biggest difference between me and my mother is for her money comes first, for me helping others is my first priority. Like it says in Mark 9:35 "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." Being a Missionary is all about service service to G-d and the guidance you will be giving to others leading them to Christ! I will be an extraordinary Missionary for two reasons 1. I don't mind being a servant I enjoy helping I'm a natural. and 2. G-d is lighting my path. I may not have my mother's support but I have G-d and he is all I need.

I'm just an IT ( No, not the evil clown)

I was talking with a small group of women this week and the topic of cursing came up. I admitted that I do say things that are inappropriate and unlady like when needed. I just don't curse to curse. When I asked one lady why she no longer uses curse words she said " Because it became a mother." The way she referred to her former self as "it" like she wasn't a human, like she was some kind of monster or robot really made me wonder. I've come to the conclusion that I also am just an "it". I really haven't done anything productive with my life and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I don't want to be an "it" anymore I want to be something more I want to be great. I beileve I found out how to make that happen!

They were here, now there gone?

Working in a Nursing home you meet death more that you'd expect and more than you would like. It is so unfortunate that they/we must die. Not only do you get attached to the resident but, you also get close to their family and friends. It just makes you think.

Ugh I still have a headache!

Okay I guess I can be somewhat of a manic. when I'm upset I party hard but, when I'm depressed I buy things. this past weekend I was both upset and depressed do to two funerals. Friday and Saturday I had to say goodbye to two dear friends. So I partied really hard to the point that I was throwing up in a cup at Steak and Shake but, I didn't care and I'm not at all embarrassed. That took care of half my problem I still needed to shop so I took my credit card and bought some accessories for my car, new clothes, and a new Monolpoly game my favorite this recent one makes number 20 yea!!!!